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TRIGGER WARNING What happens when all we see is RACE and HATE? #PTSDChat

She was screaming with blood streaming down her little frame, her nanny running towards the barracks at the border post calling for help in shona, her beautiful dark skin now grey, covered in the small red head’s blood that was congealing to a dark black smudge under the hot sun.  They went back to find what was left of the “garden boys” who had defended the little white girl from the machetes.  Her little bicycle was also found.  I didn’t see my sister much after that, they sent her to boarding school in Salisbury where she lived out the rest of the war separated from my brother and I who remained on the coffee estate that straddled the Mozambique Rhodesian border.  The year was 1972. When I was frightened it was big dark hands that picked me up and took me to a quiet shady spot, distracted and played with…

How I Understand and make peace with DEATH

Over the last couple of months I have been forced to think long and hard about death.  What it means to die.  What I remember of it and how it felt.  What we fear and how we live passed it. To explain I am going to give you three examples of friends who are experiencing death in all its horrors today. Death of Self This is almost the easiest of all to deal with.  There is a sublime peace in our dying: not the physical aspect which is often terrifying, bloody and traumatic.  But rather at that stage when there is a liberation from from the physical.  The Tibetan Book of the Dead (Bardo Thodolo) is one I have found many answers in for what I experienced, equally speaking to my friend Melissa, a palliative nurse, who has witnessed the stages of “natural” death and my own childhood experiences…

What's going on with Kate? #PTSDChat

Please note this is not about any one person in my life or experience; what I give here in the 8 things that are going on could be any person with PTSD.  Pick a number.  Dr Jonathan Douglas has been super kind to add some words of wisdom on the first point: if you have PTSD or somebody you love with this brain injury, it’s worth the time it takes to read and think about what he says. In the last few weeks I have been called a “racist” about 17 times on average before breakfast.  A few death threats before lunch and well, ain’t life grand?  Worst of all, I find a delicious enjoyment from poking that dangerous viper’s nest.  I was called a “racist c*nt” this morning for a post on Obama effectively painting a target on cops backs over the last 8 years, a normal person…

#PTSDChat TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS

How do you know that you are in a TOXIC RELATIONSHIP? ANY relationship: friend, family, lover, spouse, child, parent… There is a very simple test I use and it is this: do I feel better for being with this person or am I really grateful when they leave or I get to escape? I do a body check.  I know what stress feels like in my body, something that has become incredibly important for me as stress floors me physically, at 46 I can no longer tolerate the nuclear doses of stress hormones my body releases at the first flick of the stress switch.  If I feel that I have anxiety around the person, I have one of two choices: first off I ask, can I simply moonwalk away without being noticed?; if not then, I do the distract and dash. Clearly the moonwalk out the back door without being…