Why #PTSDChat?

Because I know what it is to be lonely. Feel isolated. Lost and without access to answers to quiet the demons in my head. Before I found my veteran US trained Head Doc who pushed me through EMDR and to wellness, they were demons.  Now they are the ghosts that populate my life; I understand my triggers and I surround myself with friends who support, care and love me.  Who give me the space I need whilst there to protect me from my inclination to be a recluse, isolated – it’s not that I want to be alone, I don’t, but anybody with complex PTSD will understand that we are programmed to move away from people. One day I sat and thought about what I would have loved to have twenty years ago when I was searching for answers to my many physical reactions to smells,…

#PTSD Chat 2: PTSD Misconceptions (a summary)

Quite a few DMs prior to the chat said ‘thanks I wish I could but I don’t think I can face it right now’ or ‘it will be too triggering’.  I was a little surprised.  How could a chat on Twitter be triggering? Well.  Won’t ask that again. The only way to empathize, understand and connect with others stories, thoughts and trouble with the many varied misconceptions peoplehave about PTSD that directly affects us, those who have to live it, was to step back into my past.  I tried to go lightly, quietly.  Drifting in like a shadow, staying only long enough to capture that understanding.  Unfortunately, no visit, no matter how much I or you might wish it were otherwise, back to past trauma will ever be without a price to pay. Why are other people’s misconceptions about PTSD important to change,…

This is Me

Numb always watching never understood Never could catch the cards Memories flashbacks shards Cut me today, where amnesia once stood Faces return bodies burn Only when I paint is sanctuary found My solace crowned Will I find the heart I yearn? Perhaps I’m just too broken. Necklace made of burning rubber Still makes me shudder With new friends like you Only those with hearts true Courage tested Strength power humbled By pain endured Hear my words like watchful black birds Absorb the meaning of my soul Splattered across that canvas For I was forged in brutal madness Some things cannot be unseen Some things cannot be unheard Heads loosed from bodies limbs mangled My label like a sable Wraps me in unbreakable vine Complex PTSD is mine Is that all you can see You who are free?

#PTSDChat Our First: A Summary

modern policing* is a full contact sport for the brain – Tactical Ghandi (a veteran LEO) – and no not his name and not my choice of nickname either, I’d have gone for something way ruder. * [insert soldier/ems/first responder] Question asked: “What is the number one aspect of PTSD that you would want to get rid of?  Change?” You know what I’d change?  The *&^% attitude of management in policing, military and EMS – so many cops, soldiers, EMS messaged me privately (!) because they’re still too worried about being ‘found out’.  The story was the same over and over and over again.  This is PTSD not an STD.  Dear lord!  It is an honourable war wound (@bear100_rob gave me that phrase), earned by years spent helping others, rescuing others, protecting others, defending others.  It is earned by being on the receiving end of constant abuse, holding the line…